We’ve all heard those “how we met” stories – the ones where she was sitting on the train, he happened to sit next to her, they got to talking, and the rest was history. Or maybe he decided to ask her for directions in a part of town he didn’t know very well, she gave them, and they didn’t want the conversation to end. Or maybe she asked to share a table with him, a stranger, in a crowded cafe, and they almost instantly fell for each other.
In a world of dating apps, DMs, and virtual meetups, meeting someone in public – out in the wild – can almost feel impossible. Sure, you might see a cute guy here or there, at the gym or at the bookstore or the bank. You might even exchange “I like you” glances with him. But how do you actually get him to approach you? How do you become that woman who gets approached in public by a guy she had her eye on?
Well, it turns out there’s sort of an art to looking approachable, to giving off an air of “Yes, you can come talk to me, and I’d actually be happy if you did.” So what can you do to become more approachable to guys?
This might be controversial to say. After all, the majority of women have been grunted at and chastised to “smile, baby” by a random man on the street. This unwelcome comment often makes women feel like we’re supposed to have a smile plastered on our faces at all times, rather than be a human being with a range of emotions, lest a random dude find us unapproachable. But before you run away at the first mention of the word “smile,” hear us out.
We all have those frown-worthy moments out in public, and that’s okay. However, there’s nothing that draws us to someone like a positive, calm, kind expression – such as a smile. It’s not about forcing yourself to smile at the air in front of you at all times (that would be odd, honestly). It’s about being ready to exchange a small smile with someone you happen to make eye contact with (only if you feel safe doing so, of course) and immediately coming across like someone who’d receive an impromptu conversation well.
There’s nothing that draws us to someone like a positive, calm, kind expression.
Looking at it from a guy’s perspective, the person who’s going out on a limb by approaching a woman he doesn’t know and attempting to strike up a conversation without coming off like a creep, it’s no wonder why he’d rather go up to a woman who met him with a sweet smile than one who didn’t.
Make Eye Contact
We’ve all been there: You spot a guy you find attractive in public, and the moment he even gets close to making eye contact with you, you swiftly look in literally any other direction. Suddenly, a crumb left behind by the person at the table before you becomes incredibly interesting to you as you avoid his eye contact.
Making eye contact can be scary. It can feel terribly intimate, overwhelming, and awkward. But it’s also one of the first, and easiest, ways to communicate that you’re interested in someone – especially through repeated glances.
So the next time you spot a guy you’d be willing to have a conversation with, make sure to hold his gaze for a moment or two before looking away. And if you really want to be daring, look back at him a few seconds later, to show that you’re interested enough to do a double-take. This lets him know his chances of being turned down after approaching you aren’t as high as if you hadn’t.
Angle Yourself Toward Him
Say you see two good-looking guys on the bus. One of them sits down and immediately turns away from you, seemingly in his own world. The other sits facing you – not directly, necessarily, but his body is angled toward you. It’s not difficult to decide which guy you’d choose to approach, right?
This doesn’t mean you have to make sure you’re always perfectly centered in the line of vision of the guy you’ve got your eye on. All it means is generally angling yourself for him to be able to see your face and notice you in the crowd is the best way to make him feel like going up to you will be well-received.
Wear Clothes You Feel Great In
You know those times when you’ve just decided to finally wear that one dress you kept shoving to the back of your closet, the one that made you feel a tiny bit uncomfortable because it was too short/low-cut/tight? And as soon as you stepped out of your house, you regretted the decision to wear something you weren’t totally happy in?
Looking busy, anxious, or preoccupied will keep someone from approaching you.
That discomfort inevitably ends up coming across with the way you walk and hold yourself. If you’re constantly worried about how something looks on you, your mind will be preoccupied and anxious, two things that will keep you from looking like the right person to approach.
Instead, wear an outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks. It doesn’t have to be overly dressy or flirty – just something that you feel beautiful in, compliments your natural shape, and feels like a reflection of who you are. There’s nothing more attractive than a woman who feels confident, lovely, and comfortable.
Get Rid of Distractions
More often than not, when we’re out in public, we’ve all got our noses buried in our phones, our earpods in, or a laptop out in front of us. Of course, we’re all busy – we have full lives and emails to answer and phone calls to pick up. But looking busy and preoccupied is one of the things that will keep someone from approaching you.
If you look like he’d be distracting, disturbing, or bothering you – making you take your earphones out, look up from whatever you’ve been typing, or stop scrolling through TikTok – by trying to talk to you, he’ll decide it’s not worth trying to initiate any kind of conversation. So put away any unnecessary distractions in order to open yourself up to potential interactions.
Being more approachable in public is simpler than you might think – it doesn’t take grand gestures or tons of extra effort on our part, but a few small, intentional changes will make all the difference.
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